Methods
Gottman found that couples who stayed together exhibited on average five positive interactions for every one negative interaction that they had. He also noticed four traits of couples who ultimately broke up, which he named the “Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse”:
While simultaneously trying to avoid “Four Horsemen”-type behaviors, it is important for couples to engage in the following:
The Gottman Method is an evidence-based approach to couples therapy developed by Drs. John and Julie Gottman. It focuses on improving the quality of relationships by strengthening communication, increasing friendship and intimacy, and effectively managing conflict. Unlike some other therapeutic approaches, the Gottman Method incorporates extensive research and observation of real couples to identify specific behaviors and patterns that either promote or undermine relationship satisfaction.
The Gottman Method utilizes a variety of techniques and interventions to help couples improve their relationship. These may include teaching effective communication skills, fostering emotional connection and intimacy, enhancing friendship and shared meaning, and providing tools to manage conflict constructively. The therapy often involves identifying negative patterns, such as the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse (criticism, defensiveness, contempt, and stonewalling), and replacing them with healthier alternatives.
While the Gottman Method is primarily designed for couples therapy, some aspects of the approach can be adapted for use in individual therapy. For example, individuals can learn and apply communication skills, self-soothing techniques, and strategies to manage their emotions effectively. However, the core principles of the Gottman Method, such as building a strong friendship and managing conflict as a couple, may not be directly applicable in individual therapy.
Yes, the Gottman Method has been shown to be effective in helping couples overcome relationship challenges and improve relationship satisfaction. The approach is grounded in decades of research and has been extensively studied. Studies have demonstrated that couples who receive therapy based on the Gottman Method show significant improvements in relationship quality, communication, and conflict resolution skills. Additionally, the method emphasizes ongoing maintenance and relationship-building strategies to ensure long-term success.
Since the only person you can control is yourself, you can always start by learning more about yourself and how you might be unknowingly contributing to your relationship distress. You can eventually apply what you learn to your relationship interactions, leading by example, hopefully increasing the odds that your partner will follow suit.
